Marshall says,

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?


We (me, Chloe and the family) have done a good job (if I do say so myself) of making opportunities and then taking them.   We work hard at it.   Funny now that I think about it, but we work hard at what is sort of play for most people.  No regrets at all.

But in the last 10+ years, the very thing I do to help people hasn't happened for myself.   I ride less and less.   Several times I've resigned to just let it go and let coaching-training-directing be my job alone and let myself go play at something else.  It was that I needed it to be that way, because I was getting worse and worse and more and more frustrated with the very thing I'm supposed to make better for those I help.

Not sure what made it happen other than Noah was sitting around in cycling clothes a few weeks ago, and I looked at him, frustrated a bit, and asked, "Why aren't you gone yet?"   For those not real close, I meant that he needed to get out and ride, not that I actually wanted him "gone".  Just clearing that up.

He said, "Waiting on you.".   I wasn't anywhere close to ready to ride.  Wasn't even thinking of riding, honestly.  I had plenty to do at the moment.   And no real motivation to be reminded how much slower and weaker I am now than glory days, especially compared to someone who is getting very strong and fast.

But it struck me that it was a moment, an opportunity, and that I could take it or let it go.  Sure, there would be other opportunities to ride.   Many, many more, in fact.  But I wasn't going to get that opportunity again.   That opportunity to ride, particularly with Noah expecting me to go out with him.  Just how many more times in his and my life together will we get to ride together?  And even if there are several, how many will I have to be holding him back?

I don't want to hold him back.  And I could just skip it, but he wanted, or at least expected me to ride with him.    Now, I never want to be the guy who drags a ride or rider down, making them wait on every hill or every turn.  I want to at least be able to ride side by side with someone, or when it calls for it, at least be able to hang on to their wheel.

That ride happened.  

And several more since.  I took the opportunity and it opened up others.   

I'm not saying I'm going to start winning races.  I'm not saying I'm going to impress anyone with my fitness.   But I don't dread a ride anymore.  In fact, yesterday I did a true set of intervals for the first time in years.   And while doing them, I wasn't thinking about how it applied to a client or that I was producing wattage less than what would be competitive in any race I could do.  Nope.  I actually lost myself in the workout.  Was doing it because I was enjoying it.  Just the pure effort of the effort.

It was on one of my least favorite roads in the area and in a type of workout I used to hate.  It was windy and hot and the road was rough.   My bike wasn't shifting well, and there was a gawdawful noise coming from the bottom bracket area.   And I lost myself in the workout.


This week, recognizing that just getting the kids ready for school or for bed or making sure their homework was done...stuff that has to be done...is not making the most of the opportunity to be a Daddy, I took Reanie into San Marcos to visit The Paper Bear.  It's sort of a girlie, but also a cool, eclectic type of store where you can get handmade jewlery, fudge, a book about how to be a better husband, a kite, or some plastic army men or furniture or incense.  And other things.

Reanie and I spent a solid hour there looking at anything and everything.   I had plenty to do.  The Cycling Academy needs A LOT of attention right now.   The work with the team is ramping back up, and I have a full load of coaching to do with several new (to me) athletes getting going... Too many times in the last few years I'd opt to focus on work that needed done instead of feigning interest in a doll that caught Reanie's interest.

While looking around, she was trying to find things she thought would interest me.   Made me tear up a bit.   Here we were, in the girlie store, doing some Daddy-Daughter time, and she's trying to come to me instead of me coming to her.

I took the opportunity to take her out on the "date".  I took the opportunity to spend the time with her.   And when I realized how things had just gotten away so much that she was at a store for her, but trying hard to make it about me, I realized the opportunity was right there to make sure she knew that it was about HER.  

I smelled all the candles she wanted me to smell.  I tried on all of the silly hats, even the frilly ones.   We shared some fudge.  We held hands.  I got excited about the bouncy ball that looked like the #3 billiards ball. 

It isn't that I don't want to spend that kind of time with my kids.   I've done so before.   But I've missed opportunities to do so lately.  So much so that I couldn't remember when the last time I did something with just Reanie like that.  I took the opportunity, and I lost myself to the extent that I found that "myself" isn't about the work I'm doing or projects I have.  Sure, they are a part of me, but they are not more important than being a Daddy.


The things I have to do each day with regards to work are important.   Not curing cancer or anything like that, but what I do is important to the people it is intended to help.    Those are things I have to do to keep the roof over our heads and food on the table.   I also need to feel good about me.  That involves feeling fit enough that I'm doing something other than going through the motions.   Interestingly, the same thing applies to being a husband and Daddy.   Taking that opportunity to do more than just go through the motions. 


"Lose yourself", to me, means to get rid of what it is that holds me back from being the best I can be.

And sure enough, putting some focus on myself and the kids, and I found myself more productive at work.


*no animals were harmed in writing this post.  and no plan from beginning to end was made, either.   You, reader (all 3 of you-- i just cheked the stats), were just easier than making an appointment and the co-pay for couch time.   Grazie.