hand to hand combat with a snake

Was working on a singlespeed road bike I'm putting together. Got frustrated with a bit on it so decided to do something otherwise productive, and went to the garden. I started tilling with our 6hp monster truck thing, but the dust was too much. I was surprised at how dry the ground was, actually. After watering what we'd already planted and then the rest of the plot, that took care of the dust, and the rest was just wrestling the tiller. Good stuff. Manly. Shaved legs, crocs and all.

After that I decided to water the new fruit trees. I guess I missed a watering day or something, what with the garden being dry as well as the new trees. Good workout for the arms yesterday. An hour with the tiller, and then several trips carrying 5gallon buckets of water. Sure, I could string up more and more hoses, but carrying buckets is fun. Ok, it's fun when Noah does it. It was work when I did it, but it was less work than rolling up hoses. I hate that.

Nobody had collected the eggs yet, so after watering, I went to do that. We have one lady who lays in a different spot than the rest, so I grabbed that one first. Went to the coop/nesting boxes, and when I opened the lid, I was greeted by a snake in one of the nests trying to wrap it's head around one of the eggs.

I don't like snakes to begin with, and I don't care if they are non-poisonous or not. I don't care if they help control the mice or not. A snake, to me, is a snake. My favorite kinds are the dead ones. But this one, taking one of my eggs.

It's dead now. I think I'm supposed to exaggerate how big it is like a fish tale, but I don't know what the proper ratio is. The thing was 2.5 foot long before I cut its head off. I'm not sure what that is in snake tales.

There it was, eating one of my eggs, and it had the audacity to make that pain face silent scream look as I hacked at it with a shovel. In my bike dork tshirt, shaved legs, cargo shorts and crocs. Listen snakes, stay away from the eggs, and I won't chop you to pieces. Now you may be perfectly safe to be around and handle, but I'm not going to take the time to look it up in a book or on the web to see if the black ringed pattern is on the outside or inside of the brown ones. If you are eating an egg and not a mouse, you are gone.

However, if I see you working on a mouse, we can talk about it. I might name you and keep you. Might. Your cousin or brother or someone who looks like you was eating one my eggs, so your family is going to pay for awhile.

That's the deal.